The first rants

Hello Internetters,

This is the perennial unemployed (been jobless for a year now) ready to voice his opinions on something something (even though no one is really listening).  

Well! What a better way to start my rant than reflecting on the glorious hours I have spent since waking up doing something which is harder to realise than actually being able to do it - doing absolutely nothing!! Hold on! I am rather quite good at it now. Have been practising it since last year and now am an absolute pro at doing nothing. Although its not an easy task even after a trillion hours of passionate practice. 

Moving on, a bit about myself. I am not just an ordinary unemployed. I am a lazy fighter who is unemployed. Confused? Ha ha. Lemme explain. Starting the other way around...with unemployed. The term is self explanatory. The only engagement in the widespread profession of unemployment is deliberating whether to do your laundry today or next week. And it is inadvertently the next week...always. So that's sorted then. I am a laundry deliberating unemployed. Now moving on to the fighter part. 

This blog is the testimony to the size of my unemployed balls and hence me being the fighter unemployed! To be able to see fun in doing nothing even after one year and challenging the world to beat it definitely needs some sort of testicular abnormally. Guess people realise the value of their assets only in time of dire need. My assets? The ability to face the world and proudly say "you can't judge me just because I have been unemployed for months" definitely needs some everyday balls or a bit of shamelessness or a bit of both. To be fair to my fellow brethren, I agree many will be in a similar position to mine. But hey! I am few steps ahead in my bravery. Proof? Here goes:

a) I have applied to zillions of jobs everywhere and still applying. Not only that, I am also framing each and every one of the rejection letters I receive without any delay. So far the count stands at 88. 12 more to get into Guinness books!!

b) I still have got courage to think that the next application will return with a positive response (or it might be more to do with lack of rationality on my part than courage). 

c) I fight myself into believing that the next prospective employer won't be too smug with excess of applications and would look at my CV for more than 3 seconds!

To put my reservoirs of optimism in perspective, you can swim across the English Channel in December with half of my confidence. That's how brimming I am with optimism. 

And the last part..where I mercilessly brand myself as a lazy oaf. I am just trying to balance my opinions about myself the way Jeremy Clarkson balances his opinions while defending the unbiased policies of BBC. I am just referring to my default tendency to postpone filling the damned application forms for next day. No one likes writing their date of birth so many times that they eventually start wishing they were never born in the first place. I also postpone the application forms until they become an eye-shore (or laptop-shore more appropriately). Oh! And talking of Jeremy Clarkson, he is the one man keeping the flame alive for all the no-gooders all around the world including me with his couldn't-care-less views on impeding death of polar bears caused by Lamborghinis and Zondas. Did I tell you that I am so head-over-heels in love with Top Gear that I sent my own fully written script of Top Gear - India to some Indian Channels. I will cuss about that some other time because its time to get back to my shift of unemployment. Rant over!!